October 13, 2009: Week 19 of pregnancy
We’ll call this the “week of ultrasounds”. I had an abdominal scan to look at my liver on Wednesday and the baby ultrasound on Friday! I was a bit anxious before the baby one. Yes, we’ve heard the heartbeat but lots of things have heartbeats. What does our little alien look like? I’ve felt “IT” move this week for the first time and it was definitely not gas!
We were happy to see one head, beating heart, bladder, eyeballs and feet. Two of them. We’ve decided to not have a 4D scan. Feels a bit like spying and there’s that part of me that doesn’t want to completely know what the baby looks like, in case. I imagine this something-might-go-wrong anxiety won’t go away until I’m holding our baby, alive and well in my arms.
My fears are even infiltrating my dreams. I had a particularly vivid one the night following our ultrasound. In the dream, we were told specifically by our doctor that we should put the baby in the freezer; that this was the "done thing."
I’ve had a few dreams where I forget to feed it, forget what room I’ve left it in (why, even in dreamland, am I leaving babies in rooms?).
Now that I can picture our baby’s little scooped nose and crossed legs, this being pregnant thing is finally feeling more and more real.